Jim Gaffigan – Beyond the Pale



I loved watching you laugh really hard watching Jim Gaffigan on Netflix the other night so I figured I’d put up some of his funnier jokes.  He has two specials on Netflix “Beyond the Pale” and “Mr. Universe”.  There’s a few other really hilarious comedians we can watch that also don’t take their humor down the toilet but I’ll save them for another time.

“I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I’m no chemist, but I have a rough idea what’s in water.”

“You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.”

“But in Indiana it’s not like New York where everyone’s like, ‘We’re from New York and we’re the best’ or ‘We’re from Texas and we like things big’ it’s more like ‘We’re from Indiana and we’re gonna move.”

“Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin’ ’em more… fun to pet, better to chew.”

“Whenever I’m out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: “This city’s got big buildings. I like food. Bye.”

“I’m blind, bald, and pale. I’m like a gigantic recessive gene.”

“We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. “You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!”

“I’m not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish ’cause that’s disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! ‘Hey this smells like a dumpster, let’s eat it!'”

“What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, ‘Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.”

“You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go “Hm. Looks like they’re never getting this. It’ll take too much energy to go back outside. I’m gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some ‘Love Connection.’ They got some new host on there.”

‘You ever look for the remote control, but you can’t find it, so you just decide, “Ah, guess I’m not watching TV. I’m not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I’ll go to the gym if I’m going to work out.”

“You ever talk about a movie with someone who read the book? They’re always so condescending, “Ah, the book was much better than the movie.” “Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie? No reading. It only took two hours, and then I could take a nap.”

“It’s strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you’re just like “WHATEVER! Why don’t you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?”

“Every now and then I’ll read a book, I’ll be so proud of myself, I’ll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, “Hey Jim, how ya do-” “I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!” “That’s great, what was it about?” “No idea! Took me three years!”




More Precious Than The Most Beautiful Sky

Imported Photos 00167

As our two souls ventured into the unknown, the vessel for our voyage was the rental car, the scenery for our eyes was lush eye candy, but what the true nature of the trip was about was the conjoining of our souls.  Simply being in each other’s presence and learning to let go and share an intimate bond.  The entire trip was absolutely beautiful, but I wouldn’t trade all of nature’s beauty in the world for the pure laughter and enjoyment I heard in your voice as we ventured through it.  Your appreciation for nature and being so ecstatic that for a temporary moment you had forgotten how to operate your own camera, and the peacefulness and calmness I got from that simply reinforced what I had already know, how much I love you. 

You shared your dreams, had the courage to tell me when you were afraid, and opened up to me with honesty because of how much you care.  If there was a bad moment on the trip I cannot recall it, even when the car stalled on the side of the road, I happily took each step into the unknown because I felt a higher sense of protection and love that no earthly man can damage.  And even in this moment there was a lesson of great beauty as I saw the genuine concern and love you had for me as you charged your phone to call me horrified something might have happened to me.

 One of the most baffling and mystical moments for me did not occur at Coral Castle, but as we were heading back through the scenic adventure enjoying the mountains.  You were searching for a word, and continuously using the word lush, just as this occurred a song by the band Stone Temple Pilots called “Plush” came on and you seemed to be able to inexplicably retrieve the word plush.  Now this would appear to be mere coincidence to those who have not awakened or lack higher esoteric knowledge.  But there is a word for this psychic phenomenon, and it’s called synchronicity, and it only occurs twofold. 

The first is that it is an indication that you are on the correct path and perfectly harmonious with the moment.  And the second is that your soul is in perfect alignment with another’s so that you are able to receive the signals and signs from each other.   That being said, I know in my being we are on the right path, and taking the higher road.  No other person in the world could have convinced me to stretch myself further than I had ever thought I could go before.  This coming from a man who did in fact land himself a job recently ,and even while heavily sedated, urinated and soiled himself and had to run out of the store, and go back home. 

But when I’m with you I don’t feel that fear and anxiety, you bring me a peace and joy that isn’t tangible, requires no explanation, it just simply is.  Your unconditional love gives me power and strength, and in turn I wish you to know more than anything that no time, space, situation, or distance, could ever break the unconditional love I have for you.  So I’ll simply end with saying thank you for the priceless experience we shared, the many blessings you bestowed upon me, and cheers (glass of ginger ale), to many, many more to come.       

Les Brown – The Power To Change

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Les Brown video with you, and I was putting some careful thought yesterday into which one to share with you first ( I KNOW OCD), and was very glad you weren’t too tired to watch it.  Hearing your laughter warmed my heart and I’m ecstatic that day by day I’m noticing more positive energy emanating from you! Having that outside perspective from someone who loves you very much I just thought you should know there seems to be a little more joy and twinkle in your eye lately, and I could die a happy man tomorrow from that.  But I think I’ll stick around a bit longer to make sure that twinkle shines even brighter….


Humble Beginnings

Leslie Calvin Brown and his twin brother, Wesley, were born on February 17, 1945, on the floor of an abandoned building in Liberty City, a low-income section of Miami, Florida. Their birth mother, married at the time to a soldier stationed overseas, had become pregnant by another man and went to Miami secretly to give birth to her sons. Three weeks later, she gave them away. At six weeks of age, both boys were adopted by Mamie Brown, a 38-year-old unmarried cafeteria cook and domestic. The importance of her entrance into his life, Brown concludes, was immeasurable. “Everything I am and everything I have I owe to my mother,” he told Rachel L. Jones of the Detroit Free Press. “Her strength and character are my greatest inspiration, always have been and always will be.”

The confidence that Brown’s adoptive mother had in him, the belief that he was capable of greatness, was not shared by his teachers. As a child he found excitement in typical boyhood misadventures. He liked to have fun, and he liked attention. Overactive and mischievous, Brown was a poor student because he was unable to concentrate, especially in reading. His restlessness and inattentiveness, coupled with his teachers’ insufficient insight into his true capabilities, resulted in his being labeled “educably mentally retarded” in the fifth grade. It was a label he found hard to remove, in large part because he did not try. “They said I was slow so I held to that pace,” he recounted in his book.


(I Would, BUT…)

(Oh I can do it, BUT…)

( “Woulda”, “Coulda”, “Shoulda”, “One Day I’m Gonna”)

Les called, But… the “Dream Killer”, here is the Excerpt from the clip that you Enjoyed!

“But is an Argument for our limitations, and when we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them”

Follow the Arrows to the Link Below (kinda small sorry) for The Power to Change Video & MP3 as well as many other archived videos and mp3s from Les Brown if you’re interested.  You can download the .mp3 version right on your desktop for any of the speeches that might interest you or just watch the videos.



Some Song Lyrics On How I Feel About You


Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?

Don’t hide away, like an ocean

But you can’t see, but you can smell

And the sound waves crash down

I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

Where are you going, where do you go?

Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars?

If along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me until a brighter day

It’s okay, where are you going, where do you go?

I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

Where are you going, where do you go?

Are you looking for answers, where do you go?

Where are you going?

Where do you go?

Let’s go.


Song is by Dave Matthews called Where are you going?

(CHECK NEW SECTION Top of Page : They Live In Eternity, Through Our Hearts) – I think you might like it 😀

Who’s Awesome? You’re Awesome!


See I’m not the only one who feels the same way about you.  This little Pup’s name is Huckleberry Helmsley the IV and he is a certified pup genius, he’s blasted his way through every pup training course, and graduated from the most prestigious Doggie Schools at the age of only 11 weeks old,  SO IF HES TELLING YOU YOU’RE AWESOME, I think you’d better take it very seriously.



We dont get to choose our biological mothers, and sometimes they are not who we would have chosen had we been given the option.  I didnt want to start your cheer-up blog on a sour note so I will simply say this.  If I had a choice, or one wish in the world it would be to have you as my Mutter, and my best friend.  I love you, and keep your head up, Grandma is with us all the time, and even sometimes a little too close for comfort when she pops up on pictures on my phone lol!  I’m very excited to be able to share this special day with you and if you so choose you can replace the word Mother on the card with Mutter :)