With an advanced lexicography, for the first time in my life I find myself unable to encapsulate with words, the true breadth and depth of what this other individual truly means to me. My thoughts race erratically as I try to convey the absolute unconditional love and beauty this human being holds in my heart, and although my words may be futile, they will certainly not be in vain, as I pay homage and tribute to my personal hero and savior.
What does one write to the fireman who pulled them from the burning debris of their home after they are shuffled to safety? What does one say to the good Samaritan who threw them a life boat, as they were drowning, lungs beginning to fill with water, and contemplating each breath as their last? How does one thank the Doctor, when they begin to awaken, and their eyes open to see the brilliant light, and a smiling face saying, “You’re going to live, it was a success!”? And how does one give back to a Saint who has opened their eyes to the true beauty of life, given of themselves unconditionally and unselfishly, and asks for nothing in return?
Words are just words, but if I may, I would like to give a few of the best qualities of human nature that I know in my heart of hearts Dee is the true embodiment of.
Love, is the first word that comes to mind, and in its most pure and majestic form it is unconditional. Dee lives from a place in her heart devoid of fear, and when she has touched your heart, it resonates a vibration so strong that there is nothing you wouldn’t do for her. She has often told me that she would walk in front of a train for me, without a seconds hesitation in her statement, or any inflection in her voice. She said it to me looking me square in the eyes, on several instances, and I had to really sort that out in my head, because I knew she would.
Integrity, is another word that comes to mind when I think of Dee. In this world full of corruption, money and power hungry lost souls, and those who will stare you in the eye and promise you the world, then turn around and stab you in the back, what a privilege and honor it is to know someone with the blessing of transparency. What you see is what you get, there are no lies, deception, hidden agendas, or ulterior motives behind this woman’s actions. She has worked diligently her entire life, and has one of the rarest blessings of all. She can rest her head easy each night, knowing that what she has done, said, and performed the day before cannot and will not be used against her, because she has built her life on a foundation of brick, not a stack of cards, and this leaves no room for regret. Unfortunately few in this world of 7 billion and counting, without a drastic paradigm shift can ever achieve the peace of mind and solace that accompanies this blessing.
Humility, I could write a book alone on Dee’s humility, but I want to just share a few things I’ve experienced myself. Dee is a woman of exceptional style, class, and exquisite physical beauty. Often when people say this they use it for the sake of flattery, but she is in fact traditionally beautiful by Western cultural standards (the one with the most emphasis on physical appearance), and has aged with grace few are ever lucky enough to have without extensive makeovers, plastic surgeries, and anything else people can dream up to “correct” what they perceive as Gods’ mistakes. She literally looks about 15 years younger than her actual age. I mention that, to tell you this. Dee could very easily intimidate other people simply with her tall, lean, beautiful physical presence, and has absolutely no interest in doing so. She never judges a book by its cover, and seeks out the inner beauty in others. To be beautiful and not succumb to vanity is a remarkable feat in itself, and that’s only half the story. Despite her physical beauty, Dee has worked very hard all her life, and has the financial means to live a very glamorous and luxurious lifestyle, flaunting her cash, but instead lives a very modest and humble lifestyle. Instead of indulging in the empty splendors of life, Dee gives, and gives, and gives….bringing me to to the most prominent characteristic of my hero.
Giving, my God, the quality in my hero I could not wait to share with the world. Before I get into this divine quality I must first express that giving is not only a monetary or physical thing. Giving is much like love is, a spectrum that expands out from the source in all directions, and touches people in ways that the giver or the receiver may not even recognize. Dee has given more of herself away to others than any other human being I have ever encountered, and here is the outstanding, exceptional, unbelievable (but true), and amazing thing about her giving. In all sincerity she doesn’t do this for recognition, the glory, the pat on the back, or for anything in return. This puts her in a category of Saints, Martyrs, Sages, Heroes, and Deities revered from all cultures and traditions. This is how strongly I believe in her conviction, and her selflessness, and If there was one thing I truly wish to convey to the reader it is this point. I am a poor man, monetarily, and have let family, friends, and self down more times than my heart can begin to reconcile with. But on one Christmas Day, still being doubted by my friends and family if sobriety would ever be attainable for me, I was awoken by an unusually early start to the day of commiserating, small talk, and of course gifts. But this was to be a day, I would never forget, forgive me as most of it is still a hazy surreal blur, like most of the people who win the lottery must feel. But to the extent to which I can recall, my sister was opening her gifts, and said (verbatim) “Oh my God, Brandan is going to freak!”, and as she said that I opened up a small package with keys. This for me is where things begin to get blurry, but from what I can recall, knowing very well that both my sister and I struggled from addiction problems Dee had given us both exceptionally nice cars, completely paid for in cash, and ours to keep. She expected nothing in return, nothing, and took a leap of faith giving me her extremely luxurious automobile without even having her own automobile to ride home with. Simply incredible…This really opened my eyes, to what it is to give, and to honor that single act of what can only be called pure grace, from that day forward that car has been kept in pristine condition, (unfortunately until recently), and I have never been intoxicated one time behind the wheel of that car, will keep that car until the wheels fall off, and most importantly, it drove me back and forth to complete one of my life’s ambitions to receive a University Degree in Psychology. That is only one small case of the selfless giving that Dee has done for me and my sister, and the tale must be told so this giving quality section of my hero must be continued.
Giving, the first example of Dee’s giving was just a droplet in a sea of what this woman has truly done for others. She has gone far beyond simply opening up her checkbook for countless others, which has been done. But as aforementioned giving is not simply a monetary or physical thing, but an extension of one’s self to others. Dee has opened up her home and heart to so many people, whom shall not be named for privacy sake, which include some of the most unfathomable characters one would think someone would open their home to. Keep in mind we’re talking about my Hero here, and she has opened up her home to addicts, former thieves and convicts (myself included), friends struggling through hard times, and even an ex-husband who had hurt her on a level most would not stand to bare to ever face the person again. In my relatively short time period of living with Dee, she has asked nothing of me except to do what is right and in my heart. One of my favorite quotes is “God comes to the hungry in the form of food”, and without asking for a single meal, I have been blessed with some of the finest foods, dressings, snacks, and anything I could possibly want and then some. I have been given a free room, electricity, internet access, you name it, it has been given to me. And this doesn’t just stop with me, we have had countless adventures giving away valuable and easily “pawn able” things to the homeless, including blankets, food, and money without a seconds hesitation. Of course I couldn’t do this myself, but to be in the presence of someone with the grace and blessings to do such it has deeply inspired me to wish to be able to do something like that myself. I’ll never forget when Dee bought about 400 dollars worth of groceries and the look of astonishment on the community service members faces as we pulled up with a carload of groceries, and taking the efforts of about 4 individuals including ourselves to unload and sort out the groceries for the people. I hope by now you are truly beginning to see that not all Saints are household names, but regardless, any good deed, no matter how small, intricately changes the world. Finally, before I go off on a permanent tangent, I want to express the most important aspect of Dee’s giving to me. It is not any offer for material things, but the willingness to give her time and energy to listen to me, open her heart to me, and show me a higher road in life. For this there is no amount of repayment, except my solemnly sworn blood oath, to take these lessons, as I have tried to do in the past, and apply and give back as much to others as possible.
(Continued on More About My Hero Dee)